Letter #1 - The last three years, Live Q&A, Podcast, and what is coming
Dear reader,
Next to my house there is a hill with a hike trail. Lots of people pass by our house daily to go on a walk and enjoy the views. Because it’s basically my backyard somehow I don’t end up exploring the nature it offers as much as I’d like. I haven’t given much thought to why exactly, but now I am thinking it probably has something to do with the fact that we get to look at it every day. Somehow my brain thinks that looking at a hike is the same as going on a hike. The rest of my body knows it’s not though. So, that’s why today I got out there and HERE I AM, sitting on a log! On the hill. Writing my first newsletter, from a new perspective. Trying to find the voice that hopefully encompasses all of me.
It will probably take me some time to find my way with newsletters. Bear with me. But here’s why it took me so long to send one out since the moment I set up the email campaign two years ago. A lot happened:
I produced and launched the small documentary ‘Illustrating The Mermaid With No Tail’ when the book came out in (2023);
I fell pregnant with my second baby (2023);
I transitioned from working digitally to working with traditional media and signed with Sourcebooks for illustrating A Thank You Letter To My Homeschool (2023);
I parted with my former agent Astound after 4,5 years of immense growth and momentum partly thanks to them (2024);
I delivered my second baby in May 2024, Emmanuel (2024);
I delivered him in Barcelona (Spain) where we stayed for 5 months (2024);
Got my first two big 10k+ offers from publishers without having an agent, which felt like a huge accomplishment. Unfortunately had to turn them down due to baby (2024);
Got another, more manageable offer, signed with Cottage Door Press for a small Animal board book (2025);
We finalized the process of closing down Mural Wish, the non profit that I founded in 2021 through which we donated murals to critically ill children (2025);
Having spoken with other moms I know not to feel any sort of guilt around… anything really, the first year postpartum. I still wished I would have send out something sooner. But then I remind myself of what I have done. I birthed two kiddos in two years. I also flew 6000 miles across the Atlantic each time being 34 weeks pregnant. I wanted to deliver my babies closer to home and we stayed abroad for about 5 months each time. Barcelona, where my mother was originally from. Some people told me I was crazy. Others understood the need for connection and support during these important moments in our lives. At the same time it was an attempt at suppressing the grief around my own mothers death that was silently exploding inside of me.
For all that don’t know, my mother passed away when I was 1 year and 10 months old and my brother was almost three. I will tell you in a bit why I open up about this. Here’s me as a toddler in the years that followed.
I didn’t mentioned miscarriages in between pregnancies or the fear of flying that suddenly surfaced. Or everything else that everybody else also deals with daily like marital issues, politics, the state of our world... Saying that I had a hard time working is a bit softly put. Some days I looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize who was staring back at me. Or find the time to brush my teeth. Let alone try to find an angle from which to write my first newsletter, the only thing that was left untouched by all that was happening.
The fact that I even got any work done during this period sounds somewhat insane to me now. But in reality things happen slowly and I guess diving into work is part of a coping mechanism for dealing with big feelings. When I am in the middle of it it’s probably less painful to keep going than to stop and fully feel everything. I remind myself to not feel guilty about this either. Because some things aren’t meant to be fully felt all at once. They would crush us.
Baby Emmanuel is sleeping though the night and that helps. I am slowly trying to redefine what work looks like and in what direction I would like to head in. But it’s not coming easy. Having children has opened, instead of a can of worms, a jar of butterflies for me. An immense love that I have yearned for my entire life, but also a love that I do not know how to take for granted.
It means a love that I need to get to know in microdoses, because it simply overwhelms me. It overwhelms be because it comes hand in hand with the, for me, very real possibility of it being taken away from us in an instant.
It means that I am often in the land of the in between, alternating between daring to feel and hiding to not feel anything at all. Being present and escaping. The reason why I open up about all this is because our mental state affects the work we do. I will probably stay in this land of the in between for a while, navigating these feelings, probably until my kids are a little older. And in the meantime making content about something unrelated to my grief will not feel authentic. They say that being honest heals, so I thought here would be a good place to start.
Long story short, directly or indirectly I will make work that stays close to home and where I am at emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Probably often involving my boys. Cool is that, because the time that I have to work is so compromised ideas try to push themselves up constantly in between household tasks and tantrums like stubborn weeds. There is no stopping them from popping up in my head! You will be the first to know of any new products, launches and activities.
Activities
The first one is a live Q&A with me tomorrow Wednesday February 26th at 10AM Pacific Standard Time over Google Meet. During this Q&A I will steer the conversation into talking about my recent transition from working digitally to traditional media and answer any other general questions that people might have. Click this link to get the access link:
Next, I had the pleasure of being a guest on the Tillage Podcast! Shirlee and me had a lovely conversation about how I started my career and what it took. We recorded the episode in mid January, when I for the first time starting feeling a bit like myself again after giving birth to Emmanuel. Click the link below to go straight to the episode.
I can also reveal that a coloring book is in the making! After a poll on Instagram I have decided on a four season theme including lots of animals and nature. Currently figuring out how to go about publishing it. More info in the next newsletter! Some early cover sketches below.
And last but not least: April 1st is the release date of my latest illustrated book A Thank You Letter To My Homeschool. It is the first book that I did fully in traditional media. Watercolor, gouache and colored pencils. You can pre-order it now by clicking the link above. You can also purchase it through Barnes & Noble, Target and some more online bookstores. Here are some images of the original art. More about the process in the next newsletter!
That was all for now! Feel free to reach out any time for any questions or comments. Thank you for following and I hope to be able to help you in your art journey in whatever way you need.
All my love,
Airin
